Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Happy Late Birthday Babe

We celebrated Mark's birthday with both of our families on May 11. We squished everyone in our house and ate yummy zucchini fritters. The kids ran around like little ban chis as usual.
I really didn't get the chance to tell Mark on his birthday how much he means to me.
7 years ago I married the man of my dreams. Everyday you makes me laugh and every day I love you more than the one before. You are so patient and understanding. You are the most driven and hard working man at anything you are working on. You are my strength when I am weak and my guide when I am lost. You are my opposite and that is what I love about you. Always looking for the positive and always have a smile on your face. I love you Mark Allen. Happy Late Birthday!

Beat the heat

My brother Jonathan and his family were able to come back into town a week ago to actually visit this time. It was perfect timing. We were all in need of a little cheering up and what better way than to spend time with family. We took the kids to the pool and they had a blast.
Surfer chick

Uncle Jonathan letting all the kids hang all over him

Love this with Papa
My little water baby

Friday, June 15, 2012


Today I am grateful.
I'm grateful for my loving Savior who knows what I am going through.
I am grateful to be part of such a wonderful family.
I am grateful for my husband and beautiful children.
I am grateful for the Atonement.
I am grateful that I am not alone.
I am grateful to all of you.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012


In the beginning I did not want to write anything down.  When you write things down they seem real.  

One month.
Time stopped.  Now it is slowly creeping forward even if I am not ready.
My world will be forever changed.

 In the beginning it was raw pain.  A pain so deep it was almost too much to bare.  
Then there was anger, hurt, and confusion...
Questions we will never have answers too.  Regrets that will linger.  
If I called you back, would I have known?  Did you really know how much we all loved you?
Then comes the overwhelming sadness.  
A realization when you wake up each morning that it is not a dream.  This really happened. 
I can no longer call you and hear your cheerful voice.  I can't see you rolling around on the ground with my children, laughing and playing.  I can't hug you and hear you tell me "I love you Jewel." 

I think of you as I play with my children.  I think of you as I kneel with them to pray each night.  I think of you when they are sleeping as I look at picture after picture and try to remember every single memory that I have with you in it.  I think of the future.  How I can't imagine a world without you in it.  I can't imagine my children growing up not knowing you and the amazing brother, uncle, friend, and man that you are.  I think about how every family meal, holiday, birthday, milestone, and occasion will never be the same.  There will be an empty chair at the table. 

They say that time heals all wounds.  I am starting to think that it does not heal it, but that you get more used to the pain.  Life goes on.  I feel this emptiness inside that cannot be replaced, but I have a role to play.  I am a wife and mother.  A daughter and friend.  So I wake up each morning and tend to the day. 

I am a better person because of you.  You may have been my younger brother but you have taught me more about love, kindness, and service than I could have every taught you.  You put aside your sorrows and served.  You did not want to see anyone hurting and because of that so many were blessed.  I look at the world with new eyes now and hope that I can make an impact on others as you have.